in the middle

i miss my bestfriend. her name is toni. she lives now at the great u.s of a, and is in fact already an american citizen. too much distance and culture divides us now, or so it seems. she called me a while ago. and it felt like she was just there at their old house in kamuning, and we were just two giggly girls talking about the boys that flutter in and out of our lives. it brought back feelings of excitement, of great expectations and even greater disappointments, of all the firsts in our lives that make up most of our inner psyche now, that inner psyche that essentially makes up the basis of all our judgement calls. what i miss most about our younger years would be that warm, tingly, nervous-wrecking, exciting feeling of anticipation that something or someone is out there, something like a great bar with great music and great people and you can just drink your night away and have fun and be fun and just be your crazy silly self. someone like that not-so-cute guy sitting on the bar, but full of attitude and bad boy looks and okay enough smile, and you're seriously hoping he would be great to talk to, and it would be an even bigger bonus if he'd be a good kisser later on. we were always anticipating for something to happen, for someone to happen, and something always does. we always had a good time, for me at least for even if "someone" did not happen, i always always had fun with my friends, good or bad times, it didn't matter. sigh sigh sigh. those days are gone now of course. each of us burdened with so-called grown up responsibilities. we are always in the middle of something, not like before when it felt like we were always on the verge of something. words like carefree and mirth and fun were like coins jingling in our pocket, ready to be doled out every time we needed to buy candy. but those were the days, and these are the days. it's not so bad to be in the middle. you can always go back or go forward. or stay, and anticipate the next step that you'll take. these are the days, these are the days. and that's all there is to it.