song playing in the background: oo by updharmadown
black. silence. tanananananan ... soft fade in of this bittersweet song. smoke. a cigarette. a hand. slowly a face. you. half hidden. in shadow.
‘Di mo lang alam
Naiiisip kita
Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
‘Di mo lang alam
Hanggang sa gabi inaasam makita kang muli
halfway through your life. crazy dancing circles. same stories different people. same shit different time. wondering if there's a way out of. crazy dancing circles. round and round. bouncing backward sideways forward backwards backwards backwards ... struggling to bounce forward. bounce far. away from all these craziness. but always, like a small damselfy to a sundew, always always falling into the same trap. inspite of knowing that behind the sweet scent and sugar taste, is a darkness waiting to consume you. the uncertainty of it all. why is it so damn addicting?
Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang pahanon
At ngayon ako ay iyong iniwan
Luhaan, sugatan, ‘di mapakinabangan
Sana nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam
Sana’y nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Hindi mo lang alam
Kay tagal na panahon
Ako’y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa’yo
words. cruel. why was there ever a need for such hurtful things to exist? why do we have that power to use ... words ... cruel ... only to drown ourselves in regret. hoping to snatch back the pain. throw it back to nothingness. why do we lose things we don't want to lose. why can't we lose the things we so desperately have to be free of. you could have just said something. anything. you could have asked. but you were a fool. still a fool. always a fool.
Lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
‘Di pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
Kung ako’y nagkasala patawad na sana
Puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal
melancholy baby. drowning in salt. you. there was a time. you. under the summer moon. mirth springing forth. there wasn't even a need for rain. like magic. things just grew. there was just you. giving life and color and vibrancy. it was splendid. dazzling. but melancholy baby ... it was so swift. there it was. the vast black universe. you were powerless. against such a force, you are powerless.
‘Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
‘Di mo lang alam
Ika’y minamasdan
Sana’y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam
you. still half-hidden. in shadow. the soft glow of your cigarette. seductive. deadly in its softness. you looking at them. wondering why it couldn't have been you. you. so wrong. you decided you were just so wrong. it was going to be suicide. everything and everyone around you. in that vast black universe. you couldn't risk it. better just you.
‘Di mo lang alam
Kahit tayo’y magkaibigan lang
Napapaligaya lang sa tuwing nagkukulitan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Ako’y nandito lang
Hindi mo lang alam
Matalino ka naman
did intelligence, in this game of yours, ever count for anything? maybe. it got you away from them. but you're still a fool. pretending those smiles don't mean anything. pretending you don't dream. pretending there are no stolen glances. no secret smiles.
Kung ikaw at ako
Ay tunay na bigo sa laro na ito
Ay dapat bang sumuko
Sana hindi ka lang pala aking nakilala
Kung alam ko lang ako’y masasaktan ng ganito
Sana’y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko
no matter how many times you ask why. it's there. no one can stop it. but you. but you just refuse. the darkness is just so fucking addicting.
‘Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
Isang kindat man lang
‘Di mo lang alam
O, ika’y minamasdan
Sana iyo’y mamalayang di mo lang pala alam
Oooooooo
smoke fading. the faintest glow. from your cigarette. it's almost gone. still in shadow. will you please get up? don't choose misery. it will never leave you alone. unless you leave it. lose it. you have to get up now. up and out of the shadow.
Malas mo
Ikaw ang natipuhan ko
Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
dont' be a fool. a fool within crazy dancing circles. just going around and around, same shit, in different disguises. if they can not love you back, malas nila. get out of the shadow. you. bounce, leap forward, fly. don't ever look back.
light. dazzling. forever. this bittersweet song. totaly faded out.
sana.
