reality bites

Troy: There's no point to any of this. It's all just a... a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know... a quarter-pounder with cheese, those are good, the sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain, the moment where your laughter becomes a cackle... and I sit back and I smoke my Camel Straights and I ride my own melt.
***
my version
There may be or may not be a point to any of this. Maybe it's indeed all just a random lottery of meaningless tragedy or a series of near escapes ... or maybe good or bad things happen because they have to, to get us to where we want to go, by choice of course ... but chance and luck and fate and destiny and soul mates, those are nice concepts to believe also. even if realistically speaking, they may be just concepts. that fuckin' cliche, it's not the destination, but the journey itself, the getting there and all things encountered therein that's most important -- maybe quite shitty to admit that it 's true, but it is essentially true most of the time. So I also take pleasure in the details. You know ... a bowl of fruit loops with fresh milk, those are good, lying on the beach looking up at the starlit sky, the moment when you first realize the first intimations of love -- stolen glances and secret smiles, good friends, cold booze, cigs and great music after a hard day's work, quiet nights, cool and serene with just the soft lapping of the ocean waves and the warm glow of a candle lit room lulling you to sleep, the full moon, the bright yellow of the sun, a bird taking refuge on your windowsill during a lazy rainy sunday afternoon, a surprise phone call from your bestfriend, the pain and excitement of not being sure about something, taking a risk, taking that great leap into the unknown, the smell and sound and words and visions of FREEDOM, immersing yourself in a really good book, rocking till your ears bleed, bob marley assuring you that everything is indeed going to be alright, laughing so hard and so loud people stop and stare at you and think you're one crazy loose woman ... and I sit back and I smoke whatever there is to smoke (except menthol please) ... and I dance to my own groove.

i had a dream ...

yes, i had a dream. i was sitting all alone, enjoying the beach, basking in the warmth of the morning sun. i was reading a book, and i would look out into the blue of the sea and drown my eyes in its coolness. there's a father and child who was near me. it was a very nice day.
the kid comes up to me. i look up at him, he was such a beautiful child. big eyes, skin so pink and flushed, you just wanna kiss him and hug him. he just kept looking at me, and i suddenly felt love and longing, wishing this kid was mine. he said something in spanish. i don't really speak the language, but i can understand a bit of it. but what he said was something that i refused to believe he really said to me. so i just kept thinking, he's really saying some other thing. i just smile at him. and he says the same thing, but this time like he's affirming it to himself. His father comes up to us. the father says "did you understand what he just told you?" i look up. such resemblance, like the kid that was in front of me suddenly summoned his future self.
"i sort of understand ... but it's not very clear" i replied to the man. he asked me what it was that i sort of understand. i laughed. "it's silly ... i don't think it was what he really said." the man just kept smiling at me. so i told him. "your child seems to think i'm the angel who sang to him in his dream." the man beamed at me. "yes, that was what he said." and he just kept smiling at me. "oh that's very nice ... " was all i could say. i just kept thinking ... somebody's pulling a prank on me. the child was now touching my hand, and he was reaching up to my hair. he said something again, but i was just so embarassed to be in that situation that this time, i really did not understand him at all. the father puts his arm around his child, and sits next to me. the child just kept playing with my hair and kept saying "mi angel".
"you know ..." the man started talking to me again, but i sensed some sort of hesitation in his voice...

then i woke up. hope this dream continues tonight in my sleep ...